me being my exquisite self

por fin me iré de este pueblo. de este pueblo retorcido. pueblo de angustia, miedo y culpa. donde habita la falta de perdón y los pensamientos autodestructivos. me voy de este pueblo, en donde las únicas habitantes somos tú y yo. me voy del pueblo que lleva tu nombre. te dejo a ti y tu pueblo, donde no hiciste más que comer mi carne hasta limpiar mis huesos. la mayor parte de mis días me sentí parte tuya e identificada contigo. incluso puedo decir que hasta me gustaban tus ideas. hasta me sentía honrada llevándolas a cabo sin importar qué pasara o cómo me sentiría después. tú lo eras todo. por ti, podía sentirme tanto plena como vacía. sabes o siquiera te imaginas cuán cansador es eso? cuán desconcertante? cuán desolador? por cumplir tus expectativas, tuve problemas con mi familia, pareja, amigos, conocidos, todo. no hiciste más que destruir mis sueños y mis anhelos. me volviste una mentirosa. una mujer temerosa. como si no tuviera la capacidad de superar los obstáculos de la vida. pro...

this is my strength this is my weakness i feel too intensely or nothing at all i love too much or i just don't i can give all my heart or i can be all gone

i'm glad that the last time i saw him, i didn't give in. i wanted to, for sure, but i did not. he looked pale, skinny and ill. i knew he hadn't been eating for days. he was in pain, i could see it in his eyes. he was lonely and vulnerable, i could sense it in his voice. i was exactly the opposite. i was happier, healthier and brighter. he told me i seemed stronger. and i certainly was. i had been healing. i hadn't seen him for several weeks, therefore i was finally starting to feel like myself again. i felt sad for him though because he used to be so energetic, strong and happy. we talked in his car for like an hour. it  definitely  felt familiar. for a minute there was no pain, no words, no tension... just silence. we also laughed and it felt good. he said he loved how he could still make me angry. still no idea if that's good or bad. he asked if he could kiss my hand. he also wanted to hug me. i just agreed to shaking hands. part of me wishes i had kissed him, hug...